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/ video: (clip): birds' bodies being collected (voice-over): "Due to recent tragic events, The Arkansas Bird Casket Company is currently back-ordered on blackbird-sized caskets..." (photos): various models of cute little caskets (voice-over): "..as The Imperial, The Executive and The Wings of Peace." (company logo) (voice-over): "The Arkansas Bird Casket Company: We're very sorry for your loss." (cutesy graphic) (first voice-over): "It's time for Oprah-Grams, featuring all the words you can make with the letters in Oprah Winfrey! " (ad graphic): "Creekwater Just 59¢" (voice-over): "Add a 16-ounce cup of creekwater for just 59 cents. Here's a blockbuster development: Dave turns the tables and suggests that he and Regis should hang sometime. Dave, Leno and Oprah were in the big Super Bowl ad in 2010.Hurry down to Popeyes®, because when these dead birds are gone, they're gone! ••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Hannibal Buress (who was bumped on Dec. / video: When entering the Ed on 53rd St., he's approached by three yutes, as our cousin Vinny would call them. In 2011 we'll have a sequel, this time with Dave, Charlie Sheen and Hosni Mubarak! " ••• Charlie Sheen's Two and a Half Men is still popular, and other channels are looking at creating their own shows including characters with addiction problems.Several dozen phony black bird carcasses fall to the stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
27, which fouled up transportation and services somethin' awful. "It stinks of death over here, Dave," Alan reports.
••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave cares about us home viewers, by the way. Now, speaking of running, Dave has gotten to wondering what it would be like if tortoises were speedy, and hares were slow as molasses. Naturally Dave wonders how that would work out for humans who were running. 1/11/11 : There's another pesky snowstorm in store for New York City... (Dave promises the balcony will be plowed tomorrow. That's where the CBS guests sit.) The National Weather Service is on it. Since the warning may change, we've also issued a Warning Watch Alert Update Watch Warning. ••• Tom De Lay's going to the joint for three years for monkeying around with campaign finance funds, and boy, are his colleagues ever upset. / video: (various nebulae photos) (voice-over): "A mysterious green blob has been spotted in outer space. / Top Ten Charlie Sheen Excuses ••• Justin Bieber plugs an important documentary, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. Martha was cooking items for a football-themed party. He said, "Martha, do you still hear from any of the cons? Dave wants to say something to Hosni Mubarak, and all Egyptians everywhere, for that matter, which brings us to "The Late Show's Message to Hosni Mubarak." / video: (title graphics) (voice-over): "And now, 'The Late Show's Message to Hosni Mubarak.' " (Dave, at desk, looking troubled): "Hosni, Hosni, Hosni." (voice-over): "This has been 'The Late Show's Message to Hosni Mubarak.' " ••• Gov. ••• While Gerard Mulligan didn't join Chris as usual, we get tape of a mockumentary with Gerard and Chris's daughter Bridget "Bridey" Elliott, "Chris and Gerry with the NYPD." Chris began with Dave on Late Night from its start, and eventually became a writer.
Dave's fascinated by the behaviors of members of the animal kingdom. ••• "Small Town News" / Ohio County Times-News, Hartford, Kentucky: B&W picture of a masculine-looking middle-aged woman, frowning for her picture, as they did way back when: "Do you know this lady? Mike Mc Intee reported in the Wahoo Gazette that those punks painted Alan Kalter's face green... / video: (snow scenes) (voice-over): "A major snowstorm is now a certainty for the Northeastern U. The National Weather Service has issued a Winter Storm Watch, which will soon be upgraded to a Winter Storm Warning Watch, to be followed by a Warning Warning, then a Warning Watch Warning, then a Watch Watch Warning Watch, then the Warning itself. The National Weather Service: So advanced, it's simple." ••• interruption: Gene Szymanski, who's all bundled up, rolls onstage with an electric snowblower. / video: Speaker of the House John Boehner is blubbering somethin' awful over the recent verdict. ) ••• The Hubble Space Telescope has delivered a great image of a green blob in space. NASA officials can't identify what it is, exactly, but these images from the Hubble Telescope suggest it could be a light echo from a long-dead quasar, or quite possibly... A Shore Thing: Available at fine booksellers and auto detailing shops everywhere! / We see the girls outside on 53rd St., hoping for his autograph. " She paid her debt to society, and he shouldn't have said that. Mitt Romney presents the Top Ten Things You Don't Know About Mitt Romney. ••• desk chat: more on the Martha Stewart scandal, and how to apologize ••• Matthew Perry plugs Mr. Aaron Rodgers has had a tremendous postseason, and I see that continuing Sunday. Back to you, Dave." (Dave): "Thank you very much, Alan. Dave announced Abby Elliott's birth on Late Night on 6/17/87. " (Bob, with Egypt in the background): "Well, I'm tellin' you, nobody can even get into Cairo.
••• Paula Abdul's Live to Dance premiered tonight on CBS.
/ promo video: (clip of Paula) (voice-over): "Tuesday on CBS, Paula Abdul returns in Live to Dance. 1/06/11 : New York's just beginning to dig out of the garbage backlog from the Dec. / video: Two kids, all bundled up, are building a garbage man outside. ••• monologue: "And with so much garbage, the rats are crazy.
We'll be back in April to pick up garbage from October through December. Then just put them with the rest of the trash to be thrown away." (photo): New York City seal (voice-over): "A message from New York City: The last unspoiled place." ••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave has some random thoughts about the big New Year's Eve celebration hosted by Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest (the universal prototype for male cheerleader).