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Posted by / 02-Jun-2020 19:52

Dating before divorce final

However, when you ignore the words the first thing that happens is that you are far less likely to be triggered by what is being said.When you are listening to the words and processing them, you become reactive: you’re already trying to construct a counter-argument.

“Every single step of the process is absolutely counter-intuitive to everything we have ever learned about communication.”If you’re not paying attention to the words, what are you doing?If your brain thinks the other person is dangerous, then you don’t feel safe and you move into defensive mode.“The fundamental unconscious judgement is always a question of safety or danger,” said Noll.“Obviously, when you see anger or upset or anxiety, it’s almost always indicating a lack of safety.If the answer to all three of these is yes then Noll says you ready to proceed with deescalating the problem.A common misstep even for trained mediators, is to start problem-solving when faced with someone who’s emotional and Noll believes this is completely the wrong action to take.“We’ve all learned to do this because it soothes our own anxiety,” said Noll.

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That person is perceiving danger.”Learning to read these emotions is not difficult.